Eighteen months ago today, we welcomed a baby boy into our family, unable to imagine the challenges and struggles his arrival would bring. The first night should have been an indicator; fussy, restless, unable to settle and sleep. But I didn't really think about it. Hindsight is always 20/20 and I can see now so clearly what I didn't recognize then.
If someone had told me what the next eighteen months would entail, I wouldn't have been able to comprehend the craziness, chaos, and brokenness headed my way. Looking back, I'm thankful God spared me that insight. And I'm really thankful God made my baby boy so cute (yes, that is a mother's bias talking) because some days, it was the only thing going for him.
Today, though, I want to sing and dance and stand on a mountain top to proclaim how very good God is!! We've survived. The fog and exhaustion of months without enough sleep are fading, I'm beginning to function again, and it feels SO good!! I can say with greater conviction than ever before in my life, God is good! God isn't good because life feels good (it doesn't always) or because He has protected me from difficulty or pain (He hasn't), but because in the midst of my pain, in the midst of exhaustion, disappointment, frustration, anger, in spite of making the wrong choice (again) or doing the wrong thing (again), God has carried me through some of the most painful, difficult, agonizing, lonely times of my life. He has met me in my despair, carried me through my pain, and whispered of His love in the midst of my tantrums and doubt.