Friday, January 06, 2012

Journey through the desert

The last year has been long and difficult. It started with sickness; it ended with sickness. Isolation; journeying alone in the darkness of fatigue, disappointment, and discouragement. Failure, or perceived failure, perseverance, footprints in the sand.

Not every day has been filled with sand and dust. Simple pleasures and small successes; redefining success. Lowering expectations. Again. Seeing God's hand amidst the dunes, finding a quiet oasis of rest and refreshment.

Mothering was never my dream. Africa, medicine, evangelism, saving lives. Those were my aspirations. All sacrificed on the altar of obedience, though not willingly or completely. Taking up my cross daily, by changing diapers, wiping noses, teaching (unsuccessfully, it seems) reading, writing, arithmetic; teaching my children God's laws as we rise up, and when we fall down. Battling to focus on what is truly important instead of what the world values; helping my children do the same.

Finding gifts where they've never been before. Choosing to embrace gifts never expected or desired. Celebrating through tears.

Jesus spent time in the desert. He understands this journey, even if I don't. The lesson I am learning: trust. The gift; leaning on the everlasting arms, rediscovering true success and ultimate joy.

This journey is not over. I've only taken the first step. But if a journey of a thousand miles begins with the first step, at least I'm on my way.


Susan Evans said...

"You haven't failed. Your expectations might have been unrealistic." That is what I feel God speaking to me about my own life, when looking back at last year, and now I turn around and tell you the same thing, my friend.

Mama Marchauna said...

Thank you, Susan, for speaking truth. God has been sending messengers with the same message lately. I am beginning to learn how to hear them. Thank you for your friendship!!

Cliff Girl said...

I read this today and thought it was encouraging. <3

Anonymous said...

You are truly an I travel through the desert it was a blessing to read this and the next post. Thank you for opening your heart and allowing your life to touch others!