Melancholy

Maybe it is because I am not sleeping well, or maybe because of this crazy diet we are on, or maybe because life is slowing down and I actually have time to think, for the first time in over two years. Whatever the reason, I have been contemplating life. Somehow, that tends to take me back over mistakes I have made, or through situations I wish I could change. Such was the case last night; exhausted and ready for bed early, I wasn't able to get to bed until I was past that early window for sleeping. So, I stayed awake, for several hours. Before the night was over, I had wandered to a very dark place, thinking of friends who no longer consider me a friend, and reviewing all the times throughout my life when I had been rejected. Like I said, it was a very dark place. 

By God's grace, instead of meditating on those unpleasant awful memories, I cried out to Jesus, and focused on what was true; no matter who rejects me here on Earth, God promises to never leave me or forsake me (Heb 13), I am His name workmanship (Eph 2:10), and I am loved, not only by God, but by my family, too. 

Today, that melancholy has clung to me like mist on a foggy morning. Adding the challenges of life, it has been a less-than-stellar day, made worse by a migraine and malaise, most likely triggered by die-off from the GAPS intro diet (which I could have prevented, if I was more careful). 

Taking some time from the daily grind in my house, I slipped away to "detox," both literally and figuratively. As I was pouring my heart out to the Lord, He reminded me of what I need to do in times like these; keep my crown on!! 

Since God gave me that principle (which I thought was just a clever topic for speaking) it has amazed me how He has used it to encourage me. God has adopted me into His family. I am a daughter of The King. What a treasure?! What a precious reminder. No matter what happens in life, I can choose to keep my crown on. 

Unfortunately, it doesn't take away the pain of being rejected, nor does it magically restore broken relationships or undo mistakes. But, it gives me the grace not to be defined by these realities. It gives me "wind beneath my wings" to soar above my circumstances and keep my eyes on Jesus. 

Wow. The "detox" really helped, at least with the melancholy mood. It didn't take away my headache, or renew my strength and vitality completely, but I am SO thankful for God reminding me, again, who I am, and where my focus needs to be. God is so good!!

Keep Your Crown On

Women wear many hats. Some of us are wives. Some are mothers. We are all daughters, and many of us are sisters. We work in hospitals, board rooms, and bathrooms. Some of the time we soar like eagles. Other times, we fall flat on our faces.

And when we do, the world is quick to put a dunce cap on our heads.

The cap may say different things. One time it may say “Failure.” Another time it may say “Loser,” or “Stupid,” or “Worthless.” But ultimately the world is telling us that what we do is more important than who we are. And, even if we don’t admit it to anyone, much of the time, we believe that lie.

But God has a completely different hat for those who have been adopted into His family.

Ephesians 2:11-19 (NAS) reads (in part), “Therefore, remember that at one time you Gentiles (italics added)…remember that you were at that time separated from Christ, alienated from the commonwealth of Israel and strangers to the covenants of promise, having no hope and without God in the world. (bold and italics added). But now, in Christ Jesus, you who once were far off have been brought near by the blood of Christ. For He Himself is our peace, who has…broken down the…dividing wall of hostility…so making peace, that He might r4econcile us both (Israelites and Gentiles) to God in one body through the cross…for through Him we both have access in one Spirit to the Father. So then you are no longer strangers but you are fellow citizens with the saints and members of the household of God. (bold and italics added)

For those of us who have been adopted into God’s family, as members of God’s household, we are princesses! The world can no longer define us based on our performance. God defines us by His!

But, when the world pulls out the dunce cap, it still fits. The choice then becomes, which hat are we going to wear? Which reality are we going to live in? What are we going to choose to embrace?

So much of the time, it seems, we choose to accept that dunce cap! I definitely do - far more often than I’d like to admit. Actually, as I type this, I’m wearing a cheap imitation tiara because I’m really struggling with the dunce cap labeled “Failure.” I feel like one. People I love have been disappointed in me, so “Disappointment” is blazoned across that cap, too. And, in my kitchen, the dirty dishes are breeding faster than I can wash them (of course, I’m not washing them right now…I’m typing on the computer, lol). It is easy to accept the hat the world wants to force on our heads. That is a choice I face every single day.

The truth is, though, no matter what else happens, no matter what hat the world tries to force on my head, that tiara is still there! It is always there. And it isn’t perched on my head because I deserve it. It has been placed there by the very Creator of the universe.

What I do with that knowledge can change everything.

And, the question becomes, will I keep my crown on, or not? 

Having put that cheap, plastic imitation tiara on my head has helped. My focus is not on my failings, but on my true identity. And as I focus on that, everything comes into perspective. I disappointed someone; I’m not a disappointment. I failed someone; I’m not a failure. I am so much more than a composite of my performances. I am a daughter of the One True King, and that says it all.