Melancholy

Maybe it is because I am not sleeping well, or maybe because of this crazy diet we are on, or maybe because life is slowing down and I actually have time to think, for the first time in over two years. Whatever the reason, I have been contemplating life. Somehow, that tends to take me back over mistakes I have made, or through situations I wish I could change. Such was the case last night; exhausted and ready for bed early, I wasn't able to get to bed until I was past that early window for sleeping. So, I stayed awake, for several hours. Before the night was over, I had wandered to a very dark place, thinking of friends who no longer consider me a friend, and reviewing all the times throughout my life when I had been rejected. Like I said, it was a very dark place. 

By God's grace, instead of meditating on those unpleasant awful memories, I cried out to Jesus, and focused on what was true; no matter who rejects me here on Earth, God promises to never leave me or forsake me (Heb 13), I am His name workmanship (Eph 2:10), and I am loved, not only by God, but by my family, too. 

Today, that melancholy has clung to me like mist on a foggy morning. Adding the challenges of life, it has been a less-than-stellar day, made worse by a migraine and malaise, most likely triggered by die-off from the GAPS intro diet (which I could have prevented, if I was more careful). 

Taking some time from the daily grind in my house, I slipped away to "detox," both literally and figuratively. As I was pouring my heart out to the Lord, He reminded me of what I need to do in times like these; keep my crown on!! 

Since God gave me that principle (which I thought was just a clever topic for speaking) it has amazed me how He has used it to encourage me. God has adopted me into His family. I am a daughter of The King. What a treasure?! What a precious reminder. No matter what happens in life, I can choose to keep my crown on. 

Unfortunately, it doesn't take away the pain of being rejected, nor does it magically restore broken relationships or undo mistakes. But, it gives me the grace not to be defined by these realities. It gives me "wind beneath my wings" to soar above my circumstances and keep my eyes on Jesus. 

Wow. The "detox" really helped, at least with the melancholy mood. It didn't take away my headache, or renew my strength and vitality completely, but I am SO thankful for God reminding me, again, who I am, and where my focus needs to be. God is so good!!

Another Adventure

I am beginning a new blog. It will describe our journey with the GAPS diet, developed by Dr. Natasha Campbell-McBride. You can check out my first post here.

Don't worry...I'm not leaving; just adding a page where you can share my adventures, if you so choose, through the ups and downs of eating a very different (and ultra-strict) diet than most Americans. This will continue to be my soapbox, and I will continue to wax eloquent, even if nobody is listening.

Hopefully you will drop in from time to time, to check my progress. I'd definitely love to have you share the journey.

Real Life Priorities

This post is actually from a couple of months ago. Looking over my blog, I realized it had not been published. My situation is different now (thankfully) but the lessons remain unchanged. If you can relate to what I share, please let me know. 


It is Sunday afternoon, by exactly fifteen minutes. Once again, I am home instead of having spent my morning in church. And, once again, it is because my dear son is sick. Over the course of the almost three hours I have been home with only one child, I have used half a box of tissues to wipe his nose, cleaned up multiple messes, started one load of laundry (twice, lol), cleared the table (but didn't get dishes done), started dinner (hurrah for slow cookers) and nursed three times. 

You may wonder why I am still nursing. This little man is two years old, after all. But, he still doesn't eat well, especially when he is sick. So, he nurses. Which, by the way, would be very normal, if we lived in Mongolia. Maybe he will be a really good wrestler, lol. But, I digress. 

Enjoying one of the few times when I am alone (almost), I had some pretty lofty goals. Needless to say, they were far too ambitious. You know what I did with my time, instead. And as I sit here, thinking about all that needs to be done around my house, it has been difficult to enjoy the moment, honestly. 

Oh, I know all about the poem that reminds moms of how fleeting time with our children can be. I know babies grow up, and houses can be cleaned later. But, it is much easier to say or read than to actually do. Especially when the baby is two and has required more time than the average baby. As much as I love my son, I must be honest. Sometimes I really want to get things done. Sometimes I want to be free to invest my time the way I want to instead of caring for a fussy toddler. It has been more frustrating of late, too, maybe because he is sick, again. 

It is difficult. It really is. I get tired. I get frustrated. I get impatient with my kids, and my wonderful husband. I still want to get things done, and I NEED to get things done. Everyone does. The poem is great, but dealing with reality is not nearly so romantic. 

But, even as I struggle with what I am not getting done and wrestle with what my priorities should be, I know what is most important. My house can be cleaned later. My son will not nurse forever. And while my house may bug me now, and I worry about how my older kids will manage their homes when they leave mine, I don't worry about whether my time is being well spent. I know it is. 

Woo Hoo!!! Mama's Doing a Happy Dance - Kids Got It (at least once!)

I've been parenting toddlers for a long time; about seventeen years, to be (a bit more) precise. And over that time, a few things have become clear. Young children don't share well, they don't play nice, and they have to be taught how to say simple things like "I'm sorry, please forgive me," and "I forgive you." It can require a tremendous amount of time to get them to understand those simple concepts. 

One of the blessings of a large family, however, is sheer numbers; if more people speak politely than not, lessons can be learned more quickly. Such seems to be the case with my two youngest, which is the reason for my happy dance.

Earlier this evening, my youngest took a direct hit from his sister's left hand, because of some less-than-desirable action. As I gently corrected both children, an amazing thing took place; my son apologized to his sister, and she apologized to him! Then, they both forgave each other!!!! 

And no, I didn't make them. 

Doesn't she look angelic?

I could hardly believe it. We've tried diligently to teach all of our children to treat others they way they want to be treated. Patiently, I've walked step-by-step through the process, confronting the wrong behavior, asking the offender if they'd like to be treated that way, and if they'd been treated that way, what they'd want the other person to do. Sometimes, to be quite honest, I wondered if it was ever going to sink in?! 

Doesn't he look sweet?

Then, my two youngest, who have both experienced the conversation AND seen siblings experience it, got it, at least once!! Woo Hoo!! HAPPY DANCE! 

I wish this meant I'd never have to walk through that process ever again; never have to have that conversation; never have to walk through those steps. But, I know better, in spite of how darling they are. I'll probably have to do it hundreds of times, with the two I'm bragging about right now. Who cares. For one moment in time, they both got it. And I'm going to celebrate as long as I can.